


what you love

by denouementt



Series: albus & scorpius; fifth year [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Father-Son Relationship, I wouldn't say mild homophobia but certain things said could appear to be that way, It's more a lot of misunderstanding, M/M, if that makes sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 01:31:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10776651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denouementt/pseuds/denouementt
Summary: "Surely you can appreciate that the conversation came out of nowhere, Albus.""It really didn't. If you'd paid any attention to me you'd know something was wrong. You and mum, this morning. She insisted that I wasn't okay but you- didn't give a damn.""Because I never know what to think with you! We go up and down, we talk but I never really see you. I have tried my best since September to learn about you, to listen. But you have continually withdrawn from conversation." Harry began, again, moving closer to Albus.or the one where albus tells his parents.





	what you love

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a day, and I am very drained. this is different, very emotional (I think so anyway). I love writing from albus' perspective, his and harry's dynamic is so interesting.
> 
> tumblr; scorpiusmlafoy

The Hogwarts Express was ambushed by pelting raindrops as it pulled up into Platform 9 3/4 later that evening. Despite being Spring and the sun still breaking through the murky layer of clouds blocking the sky, there was an uneasy darkness around London. The rain was heavy; the droplets incessantly pattered on the glass of the windows, and Albus would've been lying if he said he hadn't been watching individual ones race down the pane to see which was the fastest. The thicket of parents crowded on the platform all held their wands above their heads to produce an invisible umbrella, and the translucent mirage of the domed shape satisfied Albus' sight as the train pulled to a stop.

"Well," Albus started, yawning quietly as he sat up straight. For the last part of the journey he and Scorpius has resumed their usual seating pattern. Scorpius sat with his back to the compartment door, leaning against the wall with his knees pulled to his chest and a book lying on his thighs. Albus, similarly opposed to the compartment door, lay against Scorpius' shins with his ropes pulled over his legs to form a makeshift blanket as he watched the world fly by right in front of him. It was a comfortable position they had assumed one year after Albus was trying to annoy Scorpius while teasing him about how he zoned out whenever he read. It was only after he accidentally fell asleep leaning against him that Albus realised how much he liked the order. "Here we are. I can see your dad and my mum sharing an umbrella. Pretty cute, but they'll be annoyed if we take forever."

"Already? I was hoping the train would be delayed because of the rain. I don't want to have to go yet." Scorpius sighed, folding his book back into his small bag as he stood up.

"I know, so did I. But I'm also very sleepy and really want a good nights rest. I wish you were coming with me, though, or vice versa. I know I'll see you at some point this break, but it's not the same as seeing you everyday." Albus murmured, looping his arms around Scorpius' shoulders and pulled him in for a tight hug.

He could hear Scorpius hum quietly in agreement, and felt his cooler arms find their way around his waist. "I agree. Only a couple of weeks, however. You're probably secretly dying for some time away from me." Scorpius joked.

"Oh, shush. You know I never want time away from you. You're my favourite person to be around," Albus replied, eyes rolling of their own accord. "Write to me before you tell him, and after, if you decide to do it. If you need to come over for a few days then you can."

Scorpius nodded. "Okay. And the same for you, write to me after you've told them. I'm sure everything will go well, but you never be too sure." They were quiet for a moment after that, taking in the feeling of being with each other for the last few moments until they were apart again. There was no other feeling that quite compared to being hugged by Scorpius, Albus thought. Nobody made him feel as safe, as warm and as loved as this blonde boy did in front of him. Holding himself up slightly on his tip-toes in order to match the slight height difference between them while Scorpius held tightly to support him up left a lush feeling of comfort flooding through his veins.

"I will. I guess we better head off then, I can see Lily and James have already caught up with my parents." Albus said, hesitantly loosening his grip on Scorpius.

"Yes, we should."

Albus paused; he pulled his bottom lip under the aggressive tug of his teeth as he thought over the situation, lightly chewing the already patchy skin. Then he closed the minimal space between them to leave a long, adoring kiss on Scorpius' lips. Albus was aware that he wouldn't be able to do this for a while, so he really wanted to imprint his level of love for Scorpius on his brain before they had to go back to acting like everything was normal.

"What was that for?" Scorpius enquired, cheeks flush with the metaphorical colour of love, voice squeaky and overwhelmed after they detached from each other.

"I'm just going to miss you, a lot. And I wanted to, you know, show you that in the best way before having to deal without being by your side for some time." Albus explained, shrugging his shoulders as they made their way out the compartment and down the carriage to the exit.

The two of them were quickly drenched with the downpour of rain, scuttling side by side over to where both their parents were stood. Albus saw his mum holding her wand over Lily and James to keep them dry as she nodded lovingly to whatever his little sister was rambling on about. As his gaze moved to the left he saw James staring right back at him, lips curled into a slight side grin. Albus could tell what he was trying to communicate through the simple facial expression, and he couldn't help but flash a small, closed-mouth smile back.

"Albus, my love!" Ginny smiled, pulling her second born into a spine-crushing hug. Whether away for a few hours or a few months, Albus noticed his mum always hugged him with the same parental ferocity every time. Perhaps it was because she never knew whether he would actually turn up again and was always relieved to see him plodding along on the platform, but the feeling of love that radiated in her warmth always left Albus feeling slightly welcome.

"Hi, mum." He smiled, letting her kiss his forehead and wipe her thumb all over his face to wipe off whatever mess was there. He and Scorpius had indulged slightly in treats from the trolley, and he wasn't afraid to admit it.

"And Scorpius! You two look radiant. And slightly wet. Come, get under the umbrellas." Ginny commanded, gesturing for Draco to set up his own.

"What is it with the Weasley women and bossing me around?" Draco asked, voice boasting a element of humour. Albus noticed Scorpius cringe in the corner of his eye, but it clearly didn't bother him that much as he quickly pressed himself against his father, allowing Draco to hug him for the longest time Albus had ever seen.

Scorpius mumbled distressingly under his breath, "You're so embarrassing," before letting himself fully dissolve against the comfort of his father.

"You'll have to come and stay for a few days, Scorpius. You were a wonderful addition to the household over Christmas." Ginny smiled, ruffling up his blonde hair.

"Yes! He should, then I can teach him more about Quidditch!" James piped up, indirectly mimicking his mothers actions by ruffling up Albus' hair.

"Sounds fun," Scorpius murmured, stifling a laugh. Albus caught his eye and gave him a reassuring smile. He noticed how Scorpius was rubbing his thumb over the _ASP_ written on his hand, and Albus knew he was going to be okay from that simple motion. "We have to go, don't we?"

"Indeed, we do. Your grandmother wants to see you before her and my father go off for the weekend. We'll miss them if we don't leave soon." Draco said, curtly nodding as he lifted his son's trunk.

"I'll see you soon, Albus."

"Yes, see you soon. Write to me." Albus called, smiling at Scorpius right until he passed through the barrier.

"Okay," that was the first time he heard his dad speak since getting onto the platform. His glasses were dishevelled and his crumpled Ministry clothes clung to his skin; his expression was the picture of discomfort and Albus knew he wanted to leave right at that moment. "As much as I love this Platform, I'd rather we be in our wonderful, warm and dry home."

Albus nodded, sticking close to James as he lifted his trunk and followed the Potters to the barrier. There were people watching them, as always, what felt like millions of eyes tracing their every move as the line of gingers and brunettes approached the barrier and passed through it. The uneasiness Albus felt originally on the train seemed to reform in his stomach, twisting all his words and feelings into incomprehensible nervousness. He was reassured to a certain extent by the buzzing presence of James next to him, but all he could think about was the fact that this was the last time he would be leaving Platform 9 and 3/4 with a weight on his shoulders and a burden in his soul.

\- ⚡ -

Albus curled up into the softness of his blanket on one of the sofas in the Potter house's living area, gently brushing his finger over the corner of a slowly fading book page. It wasn't like him to read that often, but Scorpius had managed to find him a book written by an unnamed journalist called _The Art of Running a Hogsmeade Business_ and had practically forced it into his arms one night. The pages were filled with interviews from some of the most notable businesspeople in the town, Madam Rosmerta and Puddifoot being two that Albus had eagerly read about. The two of them had discussed their future plans quite frequently after the careers meetings had been sprung on the year, and the more Albus researched owning a retail branch in the local wizarding town, the more eager he was to try and succeed in that area himself. He was yet to tell his parents about what he had decided, but at this stage in his thought process he doubted that anybody's reaction would turn him away from the idea.

Next to him sat James, scribbling away on a piece of parchment. He hadn't a clue what his brother was writing, or, more importantly, who he was writing to, but he had a feverish elation that was reflected in the way he just kept writing page after page. Their parents were murmuring quietly in the kitchen (Albus heard the words 'Hermione', 'Ministry' and 'paperwork' and had lost interest after that), while Lily was upstairs doing, well, Albus didn't really know what.

"Who in Dumbledore's name are you writing to?" Albus inquired, peeking over the top of his book to stare at his brother.

James stared back, pausing his writing. "Is it any of your business?"

"After everything I told you earlier today, I think that yes, it is my business," Albus said, moving over next to James and draped the blanket over both of them instead. "Alice?"

"Longbottom," James whispered, tucking the soft edge of the blanket around the two of them. "We've been friend since First Year, but I quite like her. I've liked her for ages, really."

"How did I not know this?"

"Nobody did," James boasted, as though he was proud of fact he had managed to keep it so quiet. Albus was very surprised, really. His brother was awfully popular among the entire school; being a prefect, Quidditch captain and a Potter meant he would be liked by everyone who crossed his path, and given the fact that James handled the family name and the borderline fame he had inherited, a lot of people knew all they thought there was to know about him. "We've been on-off since fifth year, I think? Not on-off in _that_ way, just never put a label on it."

"Does Neville know?"

"Merlin, no! Imagine, my Hogwarts professor knowing I'm seeing his child. I'd die of the embarrassment. Plus, I know it's hard enough for her to have her dad teaching at school, I doubt she wants him being overly intrusive knowing about it." James clarified, continuing to write the letter that, the more Albus thought, was longer than any essay he'd ever seen his brother write.

"That makes... a lot of sense, actually. I'm just so surprised nobody ever sussed it out or something. I swear even my roommates know gossip about you before I do, and _I'm_ your brother." Albus laughed, picking up his book again as he turned back to the page he was already on.

"I do have secrets of my own, little brother. And you learn how to keep things from intrusive people after a while of having people desperate to know your secrets," James shrugged, peering over at Albus. " _The Art of Running a Hogsmeade Business_?" He inquired.

"Oh, yeah. Scorpius gave it to me. It's rather interesting."

"You want to run a business?" His brother asked, in between scribbling down more words.

"Yes, I think so. I don't have a genuine interest in magic, the more I think about it. And I'm not going to be a miserable Ministry worker like dad. Uncle Ron runs a business, I really like the idea of it being something purely ran by me. And being able to be somewhere people feel safe and happy. I spent four years feeling unhappy and unwanted at Hogwarts, if I can run some place where future students like myself possibly feel an ounce of happiness, I know I'll have succeeded in life." Albus explained.

"That sounded an awful lot like Scorpius." Noted James, diverting his attention back to the parchment resting on his thighs.

"I'm basically becoming him, James. It's what happens whenever we're apart."

James smiled, nodding as he listened. "I know the feeling. Anyway, when are you planning on talking to mum and dad?"

"Probably tomorrow morning. I'm leaving them alone this evening because they seem a little stressed, but I need to get it out soon or I'll freak out from my nerves. The sooner the better in my mind."

"Sounds good. Let me know if you want me around in case something happens. I doubt it will, but you know, I'm here for you. Now, if you excuse me. I have to go and find our owl so I can rush this off to my beau." James grinned, piling the blanket back over Albus as he stood up.

"Your beau?"

"Alice knows French. It's the only word I can remember. Nicknames are cute, you and your boy should try them sometimes."

"We aren't really the nickname type." Albus said, faintly smiling at the memory of when he and Scorpius jokingly called each other nicknames.

"See you in the morning, little brother." James grinned, winking at Albus before heading upstairs to find his owl.

\- ⚡ -

Out of all the nights Albus had slept in the Potter house in the bed that had been his own since he was only five years old, he had never felt so uncomfortable than that night before he planned to tell his parents. All night he constantly tossed and turned, throwing his covers on then off again. There was no chance in resting his overwhelmed soul, all he wished for was a moment of peace before the day unfolded. It was like his internal body clock was determined to wake him up every twenty minutes, for that was the longest period of time he managed to sleep for. He would weakly sleep, then wake and stare at the ceiling which shimmered with the moonlight breaking through his curtains, and then the cycle would repeat. Trying to sleep was more draining that anything he had done the whole day, and Albus dreaded having to experience tomorrow with the lack of comfort he had received from his bedroom.

He abandoned the idea of further sleep when his bedside clock reflected the time six; Albus knew his parents would wake soon and he couldn't stomach the idea of sitting up here while they both sat downstairs, probably oblivious to the panic their son was in only a staircase away. He paced the length of his room more times than he could count, tossing all the possible outcomes of this evening around in his mind like he and Scorpius would toss a Galleon to see who chose where they would go for their dates in Hogsmeade. There were infinite possibilities; none of them settled Albus' fears.

Albus knew the likelihood of his parents being okay was more likely than them having an issue with it, but there was an inkling in the back of his mind that his dad would resort to his Harry Potter reaction rather than his fatherly reaction. He wanted his parents to be honest with him, like he intended to be honest with them. But despite his deep, burning desire for them to share their feelings, there was a flicker of fear surrounding that prospect. Albus loved his parents, he had learned to love the family name and ever since the end of his fourth year he and his father were working on closing their issues and getting to know each other. Albus liked to think the two of them had made a lot of progress, and he was terrified to think that telling him this secret about his life would destroy everything they had achieved.

He stopped in his tracks when he heard gentle, quiet voices floating under the gap between his door and the floorboards. The sweet sound of his mum's voice filtered right through him as he heard her make her way downstairs. There was a scratchy shuffle that came next, clearly his dad following suit as they sleepily began their descent to the kitchen. Albus exhaled deeply, fiddling about with his fingers as the familiar anxiety reached the tips of his fingers. He waited until he heard his parents leave the staircase before moving again; Albus pulled on the Weasley jumper his Grandmother Molly knitted him for Christmas and ran his fingers over the constellation still drawn on his hand as he left his room and slunk down the stairs. He was cautious to make as little noise as possible, avoiding all the weak spots on the wooden stairs that he knew creaked when any pressure was applied. The thumping of his heart against what felt like his bare ribcage matched the gentle bump that his feet made as he touched each step. The synchronisation felt like some sick rhythm dragging him closer to the judgement day that awaited him in the kitchen.

"Do you think he's okay? I've noticed him and James seem to be closer now, do you think something happened that he isn't telling us? The bullying, perhaps?"

"He isn't bullied, Gin," that was his dad, voice deep, gruff and scratchy as he battled to wake up. "Perhaps he was the beginning of his school life, but after last year I wouldn't be surprised if he is battling off friends."

"Then why is it still just him and Scorpius? You're blinded, again. I don't know how you can't see that he's still lonely." His mum insisted.

"What do you suggest we do, then? He's still very isolated, I have to force him to tell me how he's feeling. I thought we were getting closer, but every time he comes home it's like he's slipping away again." His dad argued, though his voice sounded more disappointed than annoyed.

"I know, I see it as well. But you don't think there's a reason for it all? I'm tempted to take him to St Mungo's... To see if there's anything we can do." Ginny replied, and Albus could hear the emotional strain on her voice. It flooded him with guilt, knowing his mum was feeling so dejected over the situation Albus had put himself in.

"They won't do anything for you, Gin. There's nothing wrong with him, it's teens being teens."

"I do hate how you brush off these things. Perhaps that's why he-" Albus decided that was the ideal time to enter. He didn't want to hear his parents argue over him, again. "Albus, my love! It's so early, are you okay?"

Albus noticed his dad's expression falter, it was an expression of concern and lack of trust. He knew his dad was aware Albus had been stood outside for a while and was clearly worrying about how much he'd heard. The expression didn't help the situation Albus was in, if anything it just made the predicament more petrifying. "Good morning, I'm fine. I just... Couldn't sleep." He said, which was the truth, or part of it. Albus couldn't sleep, but he definitely wasn't fine.

"Do you want a drink? I could make up some quick breakfast-"

"No, thank you," he interrupted, stopping his mum from worrying any further. Albus shuffled further into the kitchen and sat opposite his dad, waiting for Ginny to take her place beside her husband before continuing. "I need to talk to you guys about something, actually."

Albus saw his mum shoot his dad a concerned look; her eyes were a combination of fear and pride in detecting that something was wrong with their child. But Albus knew she wasn't that proud to prove her husband wrong at the moment, he could tell from the way her body stiffened that she was worried to her core about what he was preparing to tell them.

"Of course, Albus. Whatever it is, we love you. And we're here for you."

Albus nodded, smiling in his mums direction to express his gratitude for her reassurance. He found himself chewing on his bottom lip as he considered how to begin to tell them. He couldn't do it the way he did with James, Albus knew he would have to be exact and tell them the exact words for it to truly resonate with them. They wouldn't be able to guess like James, so this situation felt even more real and nerve-wracking than the first.

"This is really hard for me to get out, so it might take some time for me to get to the point," He started, mentally scolding himself for already justifying and indirectly apologising for something he hadn't even done yet. "I know you think I'm a difficult child- don't try and defend it because I know and I agree. I'm tricky, I don't mean to be. I had all the issues building up my whole life and instead of confronting them head first I just skirted around them until they took over and completely ruined me. And that's kind of what's happening now. It's almost like I've gone full circle... I started as a difficult child, afraid to confide anything to my family and now here I am, a difficult teenager doing the exact same thing."

Albus let out a nervous laugh, allowing himself to stare at the table as to avoid the intrusive glare of his dad in particular. His mum's look was interested and desperate to hear so she could help Albus along, but he just felt intimidated and analysed under the penetrating presence of his dad's green eyes. "I struggle with accepting the truth, really. And I struggle with detecting when I am listened to or when I'm welcome to open up to someone. I make a lot mistakes, and all of those mistakes boil up into one big mess that just takes me one step further away from my surroundings," he continued, voice trembling ever so slightly. "I've felt very detached from everything for about four years. Whatever I tried to help me associate with people didn't work. I felt like everything I did was frowned upon, and it just made me very self conscious. I beat myself down until I felt like I had no identity... Which is wrong. I am proud of who I am, what I am, and who I am becoming. And knowing that for so long I tried to banish the side of myself I should've been embracing- it makes me feel sick, really. I wasted so much time trying to prove something to everyone, creating this false Albus that I thought would make my life better. It didn't."

Albus finally looked up, glancing between his two parents sitting opposite him. His dad was now leaning on the table, hands clasped on the surface as he took in every word his son was saying. His mum looked very vulnerable, almost like she was blaming herself for the pain Albus had inflicted on himself for so long. He knew he was building up to the confession he'd been hiding for so long; part of him wanted to try and explain it more, but the thoughts he had conjured up would be lost on their minds. They wouldn't be able to appreciate the sensitive nature of all of his feelings, they just wanted him to get to the point.

"I'm gay," he felt the tension in the air snap, and if anyone were to even exhale the breaths they'd been containing, the room was silent enough that even the gnomes in the garden could have heard it. "And I love Scorpius, very much so. I feel like I'm slowly falling _in_ love with him, and I want to be able to share that with you both. I want you to know me and what I'm doing and the intentions I have for my life. I _love_ him, and I'm proud of it. It's not some dirty secret I'm ashamed to keep- my identity isn't something I'm afraid of anymore. I don't want to keep this in the dark, I want to be able to express my love and myself in every way imaginable-"

"You're too young to know what love is," his dad was the first one to intercede. He had his hand held up, stopping Albus right in his tracks. "You're only sixteen, you can't possibly know what loving someone or being in love feels like. This is just... confusion, I'm sure."

"Dad-?"

"It's true, Albus," Harry continued. "Because you're still isolating yourself from your classmates, you're conflicted about how you feel towards Scorpius. It's only normal, being lonely drives you to unusual places. I just don't believe the situation is as genuine as you're very eloquently putting it. If only you put this... creative flare into your schoolwork, I imagine your essays could be so incredible."

"Harry, what are you doing?" Ginny finally asked, turning to her husband. Her expression was one of absolute abandonment, as though she didn't even recognise the man sitting next to her.

"I'm not confused, nor am I lonely?" Albus said, swallowing his emotions. "I _love_ him, dad. It really is that simple. And my schoolwork has nothing to do-"

"Enough, Albus. When I was your age I thought I had deep feelings for Cho Chang. That was just teenage infatuation. I'm sure if you branched out you would realise there are more people in the world than Scorpius bloody Malfoy. And of course your schoolwork is relevant. I saw the book you left on the coffee table yesterday. A Hogsmeade business, really? You're shunning your schoolwork and setting your career aspirations lower than is normal."

"Harry-"

"No, Ginny. If this is another game, or something you and Scorpius are getting up to, then I'm not impressed. I'm sure by the time this year is over you'll realise your feelings are misguided and you'll find a newfound passion for magic like your siblings," Harry explained, pushing his chair back from the table. "I have to go to the Ministry for a meeting with Hermione, but when I get back tonight we can talk about this properly."

"Dad, please-" But Harry had already stood and left, leaving both he and Ginny speechless. Of all the possibilities that raced through his mind earlier, he didn't expect this one to happen, nor did he expect it to hurt so much. It was a feeling of someone snapping his heartstrings one by one, enjoying the pain they were inflicting. Albus felt breathless; it was like he had his voice taken from him. Every breath he took felt deep, penetrating his soul which ached of abject loneliness and rejection.

"Albus, my love..." His mum whispered, moving around to his side of the table. The second she perched on the chair next to him he crumbled. Her hand barely touched his back before Albus disintegrated into a scrambling mess. His heart was heavy in his chest; he didn't imagine this would hurt so much. "I love you. You know he doesn't mean it."

"I thought we were okay, mum. After everything that happened. I thought we had a relationship." Is all Albus managed to stutter out among the tears that flooded his vision and the heartbreak that rattled through all his bones.

"You do have a relationship. I don't- don't understand what is wrong with him. He isn't like this, he never had been so... controlling over your emotions. Of course he worries, but that isn't him and I know it. Your dad loves you, Albus. And I know he is okay with this. Merlin- I am okay with it." His mum rushed out, her attempts to soothe him supplemented by the way she gently rubbed circles into his back.

"It took so long to work it all out, the feelings, that is. And it hurts so bad... having them- them thrown back in my face."

Albus heard his mum release a shaky breath, her response to his sadness being to pull him even closer. "I am so proud of you, Albus. You've been through so much, and for you to so bravely, confidently and wonderfully let me into this private part of your life... It really warms my heart. I can't express how much love and pride I hold in my heart for you. I see your face, your work and your heart being shared and it warms me through and through. You'll get through this, and so will he."

"Hey! Good mor- Merlin, what's wrong?" It was James' voice that glided into the conversation, and without looking up Albus heard him scurry over to his other side and crouch down to his level. He felt his brother's warmth radiate all over his side profile, slowly edging its way in with the usual, comforting love.

"Dad, just..." His voice was cracking; Albus felt well and truly deflated. There was a sickness swamping his body that slowly absorbed every ounce of happiness and positivity from his form. Harry Potter never seemed like the type to judge or make someone feel so small and unnecessary. But perhaps, Albus thought, that was the difference between Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world, and Harry Potter the mediocre father.

"He didn't?" Albus shook his head, wiping a hand over his face to blend together all the tears staining his cheeks. The material of his jumper darkened with the dampness, and he could see the drawing on his hand peeking ever so slightly out from underneath. He needed to see Scorpius, or write to him at least. But there was no energy, nothing encouraging him to get up and continue with the day. He didn't have the acceptance of his father, so it seemed, and that realisation left Albus broken beyond foreseeable repair.

"No, he didn't. And now I don't know what to do with myself."

\- ⚡ -

Albus' day passed at a painfully slow pace. He trapped himself in his room, cross legged on his bed, as he tried to find the words to describe his immeasurable pain to Scorpius. There were countless crossed out words framing the piece of parchment he had written on, words that didn't quite do the devastation justice. He needed it to be perfect, in the most twisted way possible. Albus' handwriting was a swirling scrawl of loops and crossings by the time he finished the note, attaching it to the foot of the family owl before watching as he spread his wings and disappeared into the darkness of the night. The faint breeze Albus exposed himself to by sitting next to his open window cooled his cheeks. They were patchy, red, with a dewy stickiness from the endless stream of tears that had overcome him all day. He refused food, refused drink. All Albus could do was sit in his room, stare at the outside world and wonder what was happening over at the Malfoy's residence. Did Draco react the same way? Was Scorpius in this identical situation what felt like millions of miles away? Albus would never know, and as much as he yearned for the ability to see Scorpius for just a moment, he had to accept he would be truly alone for a while.

"I grew up in a household full of hatred and negligence," a voice made Albus jump, his hand flying to clutch his chest. He turned to the door he didn't even hear open, lips curling into a frown when he saw his dad leaning against the frame. "I spent so much of my time wishing for something better, wishing someone would understand me. And I don't think anyone does. Understand me, that is. Not completely. So I made it a life goal to try and understand everyone I come across. And for the most part I have been successful... Except when it comes to you. There's something about your aura, your whole being that I will never understand. Your isolation, your fear when it comes to simple things. It confuses me. When I was your age I was desperate for someone to listen to me. And you have so many people willing to do so. But you stay quiet, and then expect people to understand when you gush out a thousand things at once.

"Well," Albus started, bitterness slipping off the edge of his tongue with ease. "I'm sorry you're so confused about my life, dad. I hate to think that I'm making this difficult for you. I'm not interested in another Harry Potter pity party, if that's what you're heading towards."

"No, Al-"

"You took that moment from me, dad. Do you not see that? I've been building up to that single moment for four years and you took it, you just- _Expulso_ ed it right in front of me. That was me trying to explain it all to you, to make it not confusing. But you go off about how you don't believe me? You question my thoughts and feelings and expect me to pity you when you complain about not understanding?" Albus retorted, volume increasing as he rushed on. "I told James yesterday and he sat there, listening as I explained it all. He nodded and sat silent. It was _my_ moment to be happy, my moment to be truly me. You want me to be something you can understand yet you continually refuse to pay attention to a single word I say."

"Surely you can appreciate that the conversation came out of nowhere, Albus."

"It really didn't. If you'd paid any attention to me you'd know something was wrong. You and mum, this morning. She insisted that I wasn't okay but you- didn't give a _damn_."

"Because I never know what to think with you! We go up and down, we talk but I never really see you. I have tried my best since September to learn about you, to listen. But you have continually withdrawn from conversation," Harry began, again, moving closer to Albus. "I pay attention to what matters. To your schoolwork, your friendships."

"I feel like we've been over this, dad! I can't make myself be someone different. I like my friendships and I like my schoolwork. Did you know James and my _friends_ threw me a sixteenth birthday party? No! Because I know you don't read my owls. Did you know I publicly kissed Scorpius- my boyfriend- at said party? No! Because you only pay attention to the gossip about my life that you care about. My schoolwork is _fine_ , my career choices are admirable and my social life is better than it's ever been." Albus argued, standing up to get closer to being face to face with his father. They hadn't rowed like this in so long; the yelling and the emotions drained Albus, but if this time of interaction is what was needed for them to understand each other then he was willing to put himself through it.

"Your life is not hard, Albus. You're not allowed to blame me for misunderstanding you when you are all over the place. First you like Delphini Riddle, then you tell me you love Scorpius? You're clearly confused-"

"Has it ever crossed your pea-sized brain that perhaps I said I liked Delphi because I _knew_ you would react like this? I told you earlier I tried to pretend to be someone I wasn't That was part of fake Albus, unhappy Albus who sheltered his feelings. I was, as you so wonderfully put it earlier, stuck in a teenage infatuation with Delphi. But that's not how it is with Scorpius. Why are you being so judgemental?"

Harry sighed, kissing his teeth before pointing his finger directly at Albus' chest. "I am not being judgemental. I am being realistic. You don't know judgement, Albus. I know judgement. Every day of my life I have people look at me, judging my actions that I couldn't change because I was just a child. Their family members who died for me, they judge me. You don't know judgement until you've felt that."

"Dad, I do not _care_ about how hard it is to be the amazing Harry Potter. How many times do I need to scream at your face for you to understand that?" Albus yelled, finally reaching his second breaking point of the day. "And I _do_ know that feeling. Craig died because of me, dad. He came to where Scorpius and I were, because of my fake thing with Delphi, and was killed there and then. I feel the judgement for that, I feel the judgement for going back in time. I was bullied for four years! You got to Hogwarts and everything was amazing for you. I got there to have people circling around me, spitting my name out as though it were dirt. I had teachers look at me disapprovingly, family ignore me because of the choices I made. So my experiences of being judged aren't as hard as poor Harry who had the weight of the world on his shoulders, but experiences are subjective. The world isn't based off a Harry Potter spectrum. We don't have to compare our own feelings to a chronological, detailed timeline of every time you frowned in your life."

"Albus-"

"I felt useless for so long, because I was disappointing you. Having you sit there, implying I was lying about who I am after spending my whole life trying to live up to your expectations..." He was lost for words. There was a burning in the pit of his stomach that seemed to release, allowing everything he had kept in to just echo into the room. "I am _gay_ , dad. And I love Scorpius Malfoy. That might be hard for you to process, I know. A precious Potter is a queer who loves the once suspected Voldemort's child. It's not the kind of baggage you want. But it's who I am, and you have to deal with it. You're tired of being blamed for my unhappiness, as you said last year? Well I'm tired of being burdened with your unrealistic expectations. I'm tired of pretending to be this Potter I never will be. I'm Albus Severus Potter, I am in love with my best friend and I don't want to pursue a career in magic. That's who I am, take me or leave me. And, for the first time ever, I hardly care about the choice you make."

He exhaled, closing his eyes to collect himself as he put space between he and his dad. He felt free, mostly. There was an essence of uncertainty still lingering in the air, but he had finally relieved himself of his hidden feelings. And everything he said was true, he didn't want to live for the approval of his dad, if his dad was so close-minded he couldn't even see the other opportunities there were for people in the magical world. He was himself, open and proud to everyone who mattered, and he was finally ready to get on with his life.

"I want to take you, Albus," his dad finally said, voice strained and encompassing sadness, after a few moments of unsettling silence between them both. "You are my son, and I love you. I was wrong for everything I said earlier. I have this image of how I thought my life would be. Admittedly, _this_ isn't what I expected, but I know I'll be okay with it. You are my _child._ I live and breathe to protect and love you. I almost lost you twice, Albus. I don't want to live a life where my own son feels such anger towards me. But I can't pretend like that is easily achieved when so much remains unspoken between us."

"I know. But I can't talk to you when you accuse me of lying, or sweetening things up for the benefit of a good joke."

"I apologise, Albus. Deeply and sincerely," he murmured, gesturing for Albus to join him as he sat on the edge of the unmade bed in the corner of his room. "The amount of times we have argued in here, screamed at each other until our voices cracked... I hate it. I want to be able to talk to you about everything. I was beyond wrong to treat your moment like a fake joke. I will never forgive myself for taking that one chance to open up away from you. There is an infinite sadness in my heart knowing I am still so far away from you, but I want to be able to fix that. Build bridges and not walls."

"I... I don't forgive you yet, but I'm willing to try if you're willing to give me a chance to be myself. I've isolated myself because of this secret, dad. And now it's out in the open I know I can be different. I know, or I hope, I can trust you-" Albus started.

"You can trust me."

Albus nodded, swallowing the lump that had grown in his throat once again. "I will tell you things, we can grow together. I want my dad to be in my life forever. Just please give me- and me and Scorpius, a chance. You'll see it's genuine, you'll see it's real and I know you will love him as much as I do."

"You really care about him that much?"

"More than I've ever cared about anyone. He saved me, dad. And I know, in some weird way, I saved him as well." Albus whispered, hesitantly looking up to join eyes with his dad.

"Okay," Harry said, wrapping an arm around Albus' shoulder. "I am so deeply sorry for everything I have ever done. I know we aren't... completely okay. But I hope over this holiday we can work on that. Build back up the progress we made. Invite Scorpius over again for a few days, spend time as a proper family."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really. If this is who you are, then I want to get to know the son I've been desperate to understand for so, so long."

Albus nodded, slowly but surely. He deflated; his shoulders sunk back and his eyes fell shut. He was exhausted. Mentally and physically drained to the point where he felt like he had no energy to even get under the covers. The feeling of his dads arm on his shoulder was foreign, there was something new and different about the way he was soothingly consoling him. Albus felt open, exposed and more vulnerable than ever before. But there was a new layer surrounding him. A new beginning and a new chance for hope. He was connecting with his family, and they knew about the one thing he'd dreaded for so long. It was reassuring, yet still so terrifyingly raw.

But, as Albus looked up at his dad one last time, whose expression matched the almost lifeless one of his son, he knew they were on the same page; Albus understood this was a new beginning for them both, and for the first time in years, he was excited about what the future held. He knew it would take time, and the relationship with his dad was an extreme work in progress, but there was a light inside that told him it would be worth it. Finally opening up to his parents had been worth it, and Albus now felt like he had the whole world at the end of his fingertips. A world where he could be himself, with the person he loved, only ever glancing back to make sure his family understood every step he was taking.

 

**Author's Note:**

> there's that,, let's chat all things albus/scorpius in the comments :-)) share the love <3


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